INTERESTING WAYS TO KILL MYSELF:
1.) Go to Universal Studios, get on the tram ride; once on ride wait until the tram comes to the part of the tour with the “broken bridge”; as tram crosses “breaking” bridge, wait for tour guide to give the spiel about how the bridge is out; scream, “THE BRIDGE IS OUT?? WE’LL ALL BE KILLED!” and dive out of tram into the shallow lake below.
2.) Train for my big wrestling comeback; when doctor tells me that if I wrestle my heart could go out, do it anyway, in a blaze of glory to “Sweet Child O’ Mine.”
3.) Drive a convertible off of Mulholland Drive, Thelma and Louise style; hope for freeze-frame before plummeting to death.
4.) Get trampled in a flashmob gone horribly wrong.
5.) Swallow one of every kind of pill in the house, along with assorted change found in the bottom of my purse.
6.) Eat brie until I explode.
7.) Die of second-hand embarrassment while watching January Jones host Saturday Night Live.
