Never complain, never explain.

 black cat

 This quote “never complain never explain” was attributed to Katherine Hepburn. I don’t know if she actually said it because I wasn’t there. I was super, super not there. But I am trying to make this my new motto. Not complaining is, for me, harder than not explaining. As women I think we feel the need to apologize for ourselves, which I’ve written about here. We also feel the need to explain ourselves a lot, which men typically don’t do. But I’m working on it. I want all of us — man, woman, E.T. — to work on this.

Example: you’re sick and cannot come into work.

DON’T:

“I’m so sorry but I have the flu and it’s giving me mad diarrhea and I can’t stop vomiting and I just can’t come in today, I am so so so sorry, please understand, I can’t move, I’m really sorry I hope you guys are okay!”

ALSO DON’T:

“I’m not coming in today, deal with it, bros.”

DO:

“Hi. I’m ill today with the flu and will not be coming in. Let me know if you’d like a doctor’s note. Thanks.”

 

Example: your friend invites you to see a movie you really don’t want to see.

DON’T:

“Please, please don’t be mad at me, but I really don’t want to see ‘Rock Star Planet’ starring Adam Sandler because I don’t know why but I’m really not a fan of his, I know he seems really great, but I also don’t have a lot of money right now and I’m so sorry but I don’t think I should go?”

ALSO DON’T:

“Your taste in movies is diabolical and Adam Sandler is such an asshat, he’s an asstophat. This friendship is over.”

DO:

“Is there another movie that you’d like to see? I’d love to spend time with you.”

 

Example: your boyfriend asks you where you want to go eat.

DON’T:

“Baby I don’t know. I’m so sorry but I just don’t know, I’m so hungry and I really don’t care and I know we’re trying not to spend a lot of money I just don’t know what to do, I have my period anyway and I’m so sorry baby!”

ALSO DON’T:

“Fuck you Jim, I don’t have to answer all of your fucking questions. We can go to Taco Fucking Bell, I don’t give a fuck.”

DO:

“I like the taco place we go to but I also enjoy that deli. We could also try something new. Which of those three would you like?”

 

Example: your mom wants to know why you can’t go shopping with her.

DON’T:

“I’m so tired I’ve been working so hard and I’m so so sorry I just need to sleep in and get some rest, I know that sounds stupid and please understand but if you don’t that’s totally okay but I’m so so sorry.”

ALSO DON’T:

“Bitch you think I want to go to Target on Saturday morning? Da fuck? No.”

DO:

“I have plans on Saturday but what about Sunday afternoon? I love you.”

 

Example: Adam Sandler wants to know why you don’t like him.

DON’T:

“Oh my gosh I totally didn’t mean it that way, did I mean it like I didn’t like you because oh my gosh I’m so sorry, no I think you’re great, what I meant was that I don’t like when people DON’T like Adam Sandler.”

ALSO DON’T:

“Well why did you start making such crappy movies? Remember ‘Billy Madison?’ That movie was stupid but it was good. Now everything you do is stupid without being good. Everyone is stupider for seeing your new movies and may God have mercy on your soul.”

DO:

“I don’t know you personally and you seem like a kind man. You must be so proud of all your success and I wish you luck in the future!” 

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20 thoughts on “Never complain, never explain.

  1. Tony Archer

    Why wouldn’t you want to go to Target on a Saturday morning? Target is AWESOME! You’re a monster.

  2. allie

    I appreciate this post so hard.

    I came to the same revelation a year or so ago (about not explaining myself – the not complaining I’ve still yet to get a grip on).

    “Sorry, I can’t make it. I hope it’s fun! let me know when we can catch up” is the only answer you ever need to give anyone.

  3. Natalie Grinnell (Miss Social)

    I am so guilty of this constantly. I’m always explaining why I’m doing something, why I’m not doing something. I need to remember to chill out and remember I won’t need anyone’s forgiveness/approval if I’m confident in the choices I make.

    I also agree with the 2 comments above.

  4. D

    This blog post was quite the addition to your blog overall, would you care, perhaps, to find another topic to write about? Cheers!
    😉

  5. Luda

    It’s a good motto. I especially struggle with the oversharing when I call off work or take a sick day. It starts off like, “I’m not feeling well” and somehow spins into “OMG i think I have genital warts” and it’s just bad.

    I do however think Adam Sandler could benefit from someone telling him how shitty his movies are now and he needs to get his shit together asap.

  6. doniree

    I’m definitely one of those “say too much/explain” types of folks, and you’re right – no one fucking cares about all that extra stuff, just say what you need to say and move on.

  7. Emily

    This post just made me choke on my tea with laughter!

    The sick day one actually happened to me this very morn… I came off the phone and was like: that was definitely too much.

    Great post. Great advice – that I definitely need to adhere to!

    Emily x

  8. Shivanee

    Hi, Since you people don’t know-
    Never Complain and Never Explain – came from Henry Ford. [ the founder of ford motors]
    You must check out his biography sometime. 🙂

    And yes, this quote is to be taken to the mind.

  9. Pingback: Sind wir nicht alle ein wenig … allein erziehend? | Alleinerziehend ist das neue verheiratet ...

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