Look! Everything’s all new and shiny! Like when you buy clothes at the mall, and you take them home, and they’re so crisp and clean you don’t even want to put them on their hanger yet; you almost just want to take photos of them, in their pristine condition, and look at them whenever you need to feel happy. Or maybe that’s just something girls feel.
Yes, I have a new layout. I have no idea what I’m doing, wordpress is very different than blogger. It’s kind of like the Flinstone’s Car compared to…well any car that came out after 1980. Or something, I’m not a big car person. Though I’d like to be. I’d love to be able to fix my own car. “Yep,” I’d say knowingly, tilting my head to the side, “Seems like the problem’s with the percolator.” Thank you, Twin Peaks, for introducing me to the word “Percolator.” Yes, I know those aren’t found in cars. But does everyone? Probably not, right?
What do you think of the new look? Some of you guys are freaking out. I think you’re worried that I’m changing too much. First a boyfriend and now a new blog layout. I know it’s a bit much. It’s a bit much for me too! The last time I had a boyfriend, iphones weren’t even invented! Oh, the Hugh Granity! The last time I had a boyfriend, Paris Hilton had an album! Tom Hanks was solving riddles and shit! Saddam Hussein was alive! Name that year!
This post is more or less my way of saying, Welcome to my new home. It’s a little different than the old home. But it’s still got the same person living in it. Best of all, I will not ask you to take off your shoes before entering, because I think that’s bullshit! I WILL NOT BE SHORT YOU FOR YOU. IF YOU WANT ME TO TAKE OFF MY HEELS, THEN YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE MY DISMEMBERED FEET WITH THEM. It’s not like before coming to your house I thought, “Let me take a brisk jog through that manure pasture.” The bottoms of my shoes are probably cleaner than your kitchen, and that’s because most kitchens are breeding grounds for bacteria! I know this because Dr. Oz told me. Dr. Oz is always warning us about how every single thing we could ever do has great potential to make us sick. Frankly, if I listened to everything Dr. Oz said, I would never wear makeup, eat takeout, drive a car, look at the sky, or shower. But I do all of those things. I’m not going to live in fear. At least, not his fears. My own fears are a different story.
Anyway. Stay with me, guys. It’s just like Beyonce and Buzz Lightyear said: “To infinity…and beyond!”