I’m a girl who writes a blog so you knew it would come to this: the body post.

A few days ago I was taking inventory at work and my boss wanted to know more about me so I said, “Hm, I love to cook and eat” and she said, “How do you stay so thin?” and I thought, “Damn are you crazy? I’m not thin, I’m normal.” At best I can hope for skinny-fat. Look, I live in LA and I’m a struggling actress. I’ve seen thin. I’m not thin. I have friends who are models for Draper’s sake! Hells bells!

But I guess if I were in any other profession or lived in any another city (except for maybe New York. Or Paris. Or Milan. Or basically anywhere in Europe?) I would be happy with my figure and might even think of myself as thin. This doesn’t bum me out. I’m OK with it. I chose this. But what bums me out is seeing my friends who agonize over their bodies. Women can see a photo of a thin actress/model/or even one of their friends and actually let it depress them. Somehow just looking at someone else with an ideal figure makes them feel badly about their own figure. Even though a photo of someone else has no reflection on you or your body or who you are. But it can still make you feel badly. I’m not going to tell you to stop feeling badly because it’s not that easy.

But what I will tell you is that photos. lie. all. the. freaking. time. It’s all about angles and lighting. People are paid to make other people not look fat. Seriously.

The flip side to this though is that some actresses look super, super thin in person and look “normal” on the screen, because the camera adds ten pounds, or whatever. I saw Julianne Moore in person (that night that I ate something weird and then vomited all over a 7-11 parking lot, such good times) and she looked like a freaking child from behind!! Seriously she looked like a teenager and she’s a 40-something year old woman! That’s insane!!

Why is it so much easier to hate our bodies than to love them? Why is it so hard for us to accept compliments? Why do we always want to deflect them? (Yes I’m aware that I’m making generalizations and that not all women are like this, GWYNETH PALTROW). Why is it that I always hope that when I see my friends they’ll ask, “Did you lose weight?” And then why is it that when they actually do ask that I can’t even enjoy the compliment? Why is that even a compliment?

I don’t know. I don’t have any answers here or even anything earth shattering to add. Except that if you’re not being paid for it then why are you so worried about having a Kate Beckinsale waist? Or Kate Bosworth legs? Or Cate Blanchett cheekbones? Or a Kate Moss everything? (See what I’m doing here?) BTW did you hear that Cate Blanchett suffered a head injury while on stage doing A Streetcar Named Desire and for a while she kept going, trying to act through it? That is such a Kate Hepburn thing to do. I think Kate Winslet would also be impressed. Kate Capshaw was in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

There has to be something about your body that you love. Maybe you haven’t found it yet. Maybe you need to blast your favorite music and do a sexy photoshoot. Then you should delete those photos because you never know when they will come back to haunt you. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be proud of them I’m just saying that you may need a job one day. Or not! Do whatever you want! It’s your body and you should love it because it’s the only one you’re going to have. You could get thousands of dollars worth of plastic surgery and it’s STILL going to be the body you’re stuck with. And the ironic thing about plastic surgery is that it isn’t even permanent! Things sag, rupture, heal oddly, shift, etc. I’VE SEEN IT HAPPEN.

I can see both sides of why actresses need to look thin/toned/whatever. One the one hand they’re being paid millions of dollars to have a certain image. It’s the image that sells tickets. But on the other hand shouldn’t it be about the acting? The art? Should it matter that their thighs don’t touch?

One great thing about exercise is the endorphins; just the act of working out can make you feel better, even without seeing the results. So go for a walk! Maybe not, if you live in SoCal, not right now, the smoke/air is really bad for you. Maybe just stay inside. For a little bit.

I don’t know. I just want us to (insert Mean Girls quote here about sunshine and rainbows and being happy).

I Ran (So Far Away) — A Flock Of Seagulls