Several months ago I wrote about this guy I was seeing that was worse than Phil Spector and OJ combined. At least OJ was in the Naked Gun movies and those were funny. And Phil Spector is responsible for some of the greatest music of all time. They had redeeming qualities.

This guy, who we will refer to as Captain Asshat (which is really generous of me considering he is not in the navy), decided at some point to facebook all of my friends. After our blow-out he practically raced to his computer to unfriend me (which really showed me) but stayed facebook friends with all of my real friends. I think this is the sign of a sociopath. We weren’t even considered boyfriend/girlfriend, just dating casually, so why did he feel the need to facebook them in the first place? And why did he hang on to them? From what I understand he continues to comment on their status, “liking” things, even taking things from their profiles and claiming them as his own, which really bothered one of my dearest friends.

Facebook is getting out of control. People post the most personal things as their status updates, or choose photos of them in their bathing suits doing yoga poses for their man profile. Are we ready for this? I don’t think I am.

However I will be the first to admit that I do not have a flawless facebook record. For with facebook comes facebook stalking, of which I am guilty. My friend and I like to go “boy shopping” in which we check out the profiles of guys that we have in common to see who is single, who is hot, and who has similar interests. But it ends there.

Just because it’s the internet doesn’t mean it doesn’t have repercussions in real life.

And the difference between me and Captain Asshat is that I don’t go around friending people who I have no business friending. Captain A is venturing into an area of facebook in which he should not be. No fly zone, buddy. Park the plane, Travolta. Go home.

Even weirder is when you’re friends with your friend’s bf/gf and then they break up. Do you still stay facebook friends with them? I suppose it depends on how friendly you were with them and how bad the break-up was. But I think it’s weird if you stay facebook friends and try to pass it off as a real friendship. Basically, friend’s ex, stop commenting on everything and facebook iming me. We never hung out before and we’re not going to now. And stop trying to get intel about my friend. She’s moved on.

Goddamn I wish facebook was around when Seinfeld was on the air. Think of the episode possibilities! George trying to facebook Marisa Tomei. Elaine accidentally posting something personal as a note instead of as a private message to the guy she was seeing. Kramer starting a facebook group that turns into a real religion. And Jerry would probably be on my side about facebook grey areas. “You just don’t stay facebook buddies with your ex’s friends! It’s bad form! Come on!” And think of the great wall interactions: NEWMAN — “Hello Jerry.” JERRY — “Hello Newman.”

Serenity now.

Rumors — Lindsay Lohan (yeah you read that right)