vintage lipstickYou. No, not you. The other you. Maybe.

I would now like to address all of the different Yous. As in, more than one person. As in, this is not all about one person.

You need to stop. This is my fault, I should have been more direct. It’s not going to happen.

You are working on being a better friend, and I really appreciate that. You’re probably the only true guy friend I have left. Even though you did that thing that I will never understand, I can’t use it against you for the rest of our lives. Also, you owe me a drink.

You were my friend and you disappeared and it’s probably because of that thing that happened. Even though we were apparently both fine with it. You’re right in what you said; what I suggested, I didn’t really want. But I do want you to be my friend again.

You seem like you want to become my friend, a real friend. I really liked that conversation we had on my couch. I was touched. But I can’t rely on you to follow up and follow through. I wish you would. But you disappear and you don’t even try.

You probably don’t even read this blog anymore. You meant a lot to me. Still do.

You are actually a wonderful guy friend. I’m so glad that happened. I wish you lived here. If things stay as they are, I accept your invitation for that thing in the spring.

You, I am so angry with you.

You and I talk about having sex, hypothetically, but I don’t know if that’s the best idea. I think you’re just lonely.

You disappeared, but it’s okay. I wasn’t feeling it anymore either. The sex was fantastic. Hope you felt that way too. Sorry your roommate thought I was being murdered. Really glad she didn’t call the police.

You wondered what happened. You pulled a classic Schmosby and honestly, that changed a lot in our dynamic. I still think you’re great though.

You are just confusing as hell, but at least you know it. I hope you know that I do want you in my life. I don’t know how. Glad it isn’t my fault. I’m not going to campaign for myself. You’ve already told me how awesome I am. If you ever figure this out, let me know. There’s no deadline. Just see what happens. There’s something there. Let’s put a pin in it.

You, I forgot to respond to your email. Sorry.

Address all of your Yous in the comment section. Very freeing.


Posted in: dating, friends, let's just talk from our hearts, nostalgia, relationships, sex

{ 56 comments… read them below or add one }

Timea January 22, 2013 at 11:29 am

You, I think you’re angry at yourself, and not at them. Apologise to yourself and then to your friends.

You, I think I love you ever so much. This is all very nice.

You, you’re perfect, thank you for funding my bourgeious lifestyle.

You, you’ll be fine soon, I promise.

You, leave Paris and come over and have sex with me.


Almie Rose January 22, 2013 at 11:31 am

Alternate plan: YOU go to Paris and have sex with THEM!


Timea January 22, 2013 at 5:14 pm

Haha, I could make a wild weekend of it.


erica January 22, 2013 at 11:44 am

you: while I’m mad that you could never treat me the way I deserve and wanted to be treated (twice), I will always love you. and I’m glad we aren’t together in that way anymore. I hope you learn and I hope someday we can find friendship without anger, resentment and latent emotions that only result in circular arguments (even though we aren’t together anymore). Good luck with your new lady love.

you: there’s a reason we’re here, 13 years later. please don’t fuck it up with your manmotions. it has so much potential. i probably love you, too.

you and you: i love both of you, too. just not in that way. not ever. let’s appreciate our friendship instead, because ultimately it’ll last longer than anything else we do (among ourselves or with anyone else, probably).

you: i love who you are and you piss me off constantly. the reason we don’t talk is because of you, but i’ll be here when you’re done.

all of you: i won’t ever stop loving you. you just keep working on being the best you. and stop over thinking everything. you have a bigger emotion-hole than i do with that shit.


Almie Rose January 22, 2013 at 4:50 pm

“manmotions” ! Ha.


erica January 23, 2013 at 11:09 am

Boys. (hair flip. eye roll.)


erica January 23, 2013 at 11:14 pm

holy crap. i was just going through my gurnal, and this is from December 30 plus or minus a day or two:

“(underlined) YOU. leave me alone now. eet ees done.

you. love you. love it. love you. like LOVE. YOU.

you. missing piece. b/c my song song.


my missing piece can sing the rest of my song song.”

and while they’re a little mixed up from the version i responded to you with, it’s funny that they’re all the same people. i also wrote that very late and probably drunk on wine.


Madison January 22, 2013 at 12:26 pm

You, I once thought I said too much but I’m beginning to that I didn’t tell you enough… because I never told you that I love you. Now you say you love her and I hope that’s true. You don’t seem happy but somehow I lost the place in you life to be able to say so… I’m pretty sure that’s your fault thought. Never forget that you always had more fun with me.

You, I don’t listen to you band anymore because it hurts… but I still love your music. Just thought you should know that.

You, I’m sorry that I didn’t recognize you when we ran into each other at that show last week… I’m glad it never worked out.


Almie Rose January 22, 2013 at 4:49 pm

“You, I don’t listen to you band anymore because it hurts”

I’ve experienced this pain as well. It sucks. I’m sorry you’re going through it!


Brian January 22, 2013 at 4:32 pm

You. We’re still friends. I don’t know how we make it work. I was mad at you because you’ve done that thing where you ignore me for weeks without saying why and now suddenly everything is fine. We shouldn’t have dated. You are the best person I know, and when it’s just us, it’s a beautiful thing. We’ll both be devastated when we part ways for the last time, but neither of us will admit it. My favorite memories are of the late nights we have spent talking or walking in the snow.

You. You lied. We’re not friends anymore, and you haven’t talked to me since. I thought part of it was that you were lonely. Didn’t expect that to be 100% of the reason we were together.

You. You’re getting help, but then you left for a 4 day weekend even though you don’t have a job and I was just getting you started on a real plan. You can’t just buy video games and play them. You have to grow up.

You asked me to lunch, and then cancelled on me and decided not to reschedule. What happened?

You live four hours away, but we never talk, except when I call. You’re always busy, and your promise to call sometime goes unremembered. Then again, all of you do that.

You turned a friendly chat into a date, then told me I was a fling. Now you don’t understand why everything you do hurts me. We can’t even be friends because you can’t keep your pants on. Never thought I’d say that.

You are really bad at replying. You surprised me with the drink and t-shirt offer. I’m sorry if you were hitting on me. I like you, but didn’t expect to be flirted with in a million years. I hope it’s not five more years before we meet up again.

(Thank you, Almie. This got a lot of things out of my system.)


Almie Rose January 22, 2013 at 4:48 pm

Yeah! You’re welcome!


N. January 22, 2013 at 5:04 pm

You: I’m crazy about you and I want to be with you more than anything in the world. I love your blonde hair, your ridiculous hipster style, your fucking brilliant accent. You’re smart as a whip, you make me laugh, you’re kind as hell. There is a Before You and an After You. The idea that I could ever meet anyone else who even remotely compares is such a joke. I would rather be alone forever. I probably will.


Karley January 22, 2013 at 6:02 pm

You are one of the few people I can trust. You’re my brother, girl-friend, and best-friend all rolled into one. You can make me smile no matter what and I love that. You’re like my other half, but I know that You’re not The One. I still love You anyways.

You! You infuriate, confuse, amuse, and taunt me. I gave You one year of my love, unreturned, and You think that I can just forget and pretend that every time You flirt with me it means nothing? You hurt me. You were the first one to break my heart. At the same time…You get me in ways other people don’t. I used to want You to be my First, but now I think it’d just be awkward because You’re too skinny and lonely. I’ve grown up. So should You.

I keep dreaming about You, but I’m not coming back. We’re on a permanent break remember?

I wish You knew the truth about when I had Depression.

You seem like the perfect Prince Charming, and I wish that You’d know how much I like You (love You?). Those dates we had while I was on vacation were bittersweet and, despite trying not to, I grew attached to You. You’re the first guy who has made me feel like the mature, sexy woman that I am. You make me comfortable to be myself and not to feel ashamed of my quirks. You stole my heart when You played for me on Your guitar and made me breakfast in the morning. I wish that You would realize I’d like to be Your girlfriend.

(Thanks for the vent!)


D January 22, 2013 at 6:46 pm

You. One day you’ll realise what you lost, and maybe you’ll come back, maybe I’ll be gone. You were the only one who ever got me seriously thinking about settling down.


Leah January 23, 2013 at 7:25 am

You. I am so angry at myself for EVER having loved you. I’m angry at you for stringing me along and then pushing me away, simply for getting too close.

You long for someone to understand you, to be there for you, but on your terms. You can’t stand for anyone to tell you the truth about yourself, which is exactly what you need.

You have treated our mutual friends like absolute garbage, and then wonder why people leave you. They leave you because you give them no other choice. You still have one of our friends left, despite the fact that you’ve hurt her, too. You. You should be afraid of what will happen if you hurt my best friend again.

You. I am finally angry at you. But honestly? I don’t feel any better than I did when I still loved you.


J January 23, 2013 at 12:25 pm

You – I am in love with the idea of you. You’re not as good as I make you out to be in my mind, and you don’t deserve me. You are, quite frankly, an asshole, and a terrible friend. And yet I don’t regret anything we did. I miss our friendship. And our talks. And how you know exactly which buttons to push, and you enjoyed doing it. I’ve cut you out of my life, and yet I still find you ghosting around the peripheries of my mind. Knowing that I am too good for you, and being able to convince myself of that, sadly, are two very different things. I’m gonna do it, though, just you wait. And it will be amazing.

(PS: This is incredible. Thank you. May I steal this idea?)


Ami January 23, 2013 at 12:48 pm

Hey there. Your comment kind of reminded of something *ahem* , me.



J January 23, 2013 at 1:14 pm

That is a wonderful post (also, congrats on the shameless self-plug! I would be too chicken) – I have some thoughts on it, but we should probably discuss that somewhere else, so as not to throw off this whole comment section – message me on Tumblr, if you like?! And thanks for sharing this! :)


J January 25, 2013 at 12:03 am

I can’t re-reply on that stupid page! Email me (johanns2000-blogging[at]yahoo.com)


Ami January 23, 2013 at 12:46 pm

You, you disappointed me. I really thought you were up to it, that you were worth it and then you weren’t. I thought you were the first real man I’ve met in a long time, and then you went and acted like a 15-year-old. Guess it’s my mistake, for making those assumptions. But You, you gave up on me and I’m really sorry you did. Although you are probably not, you probably don’t even think of me anymore. And I’m fed up thinking of You, too.


Almie Rose January 23, 2013 at 1:20 pm

I keep forgetting the prompt of this post and see the comments where people are saying, “You disappoint me” and I’m thinking, “Oh no, what did I do??” and then I realize the “you” isn’t me. Okay, carry on.


S January 23, 2013 at 1:30 pm

You are influenced by everyone around you. You think labels of clothing and purses define a person for who they are. You are not the same person I used to know. You are nothing but ugly on the inside.


Hails January 23, 2013 at 1:32 pm

You owe me $700 and I will never fucking forget that and the fact that you now have a good job and you dare to be friends with my sister and STILL NOT PAY ME BACK makes me severely regret any of the time we were together. Also, it creeps me out that you follow my Tumblr and the only post you ever liked was the one where I said I was glad I was moving so I wouldn’t have to run into you ever again.


??? January 23, 2013 at 2:06 pm

You are on the dole. You work part time here, and yet you’re on the dole. I’d scream Welfare Queenie, but that might be looked down upon here. You have more shifts than I, and have the potential of working real world jobs, something I’d kill for. But no, you have to be a queer man-child, working minimum wage at this cinema, because you can’t give up this stupid fucking film festival you hold tight like a leather daddy. And now you fucking complain about our stagnant minimum wages???? Go fuck yourself, you pretentious derpy pigfucking Kansan hick.


Why did you go silent on me? I don’t get it. I never got it. First, you go about saying “I’m experimenting with girls,” and I was all okay with that. And I never doubted this, my friend told me about some of your escapades with her (nothing dirty, really, just a clear message that yes, you are into girls). What bothers me is when you switched back, you immediately picked up this other guy. Not gonna get into him, he’s irrelevant to this. When I confessed to having a thing for you, not once did you say “Hey, I’m not interested,” or “Hey, you shouldn’t wait for me to switch back,” or “I’d rather be friends.” Nothing to say for me to back off, or that I was rejected. Just your confession of being bi, and then running off and away from the problem. Why couldn’t you say so? Why’d you go, “Oh, say hi to my boyfriend!” and then immediately disappear and refuse to answer even a basic call of thanks for helping me out a while back? The silence, it fucking hurts. Because I don’t know what I did wrong. I don’t know if I did ANYTHING wrong. It’s so damn painful.


Anonymous January 23, 2013 at 3:27 pm

You haven’t texted me for 3 days and I think that’s really rude. I don’t even know if I like you yet, but I feel like you should definitely be paying more attention to me.


Abby January 23, 2013 at 3:46 pm

You, you’re a man child. I thought you were shiny and grand when I lived in a land of white bread. But you, you’re not the real thing. You never have been, and I doubt you ever will be. You’re a mooch, and for the first time, the other day, I realized I am finally over you. You, who I was a fool for, who I would have done anything for. You send me messages only when you need something, and now that I’ve made a new life for myself, an ocean away, things seem clearer now. And your message seems pathetic. I no longer need to help you. I no longer care. You are barely a footnote. I have great things in store, and you…you are not one of them.


J January 24, 2013 at 12:02 am

You, you’re wonderfully eloquent! This one is my favorite so far.


Madeleine N. January 23, 2013 at 3:53 pm

You had numerous emotional and mental issues and were probably an alcoholic. You made me feel responsible for your happiness and well-being. You roped your family into our relationship way too early. You didn’t listen to me when I said I wasn’t ready to talk about marriage and children. I don’t regret breaking up with you via text message.

You: I loved you truly and deeply, arguably more than I loved anyone else. You were an extension of me. All my important memories featured you, from Christmas to getting my cat. It was my fault for trying to bring up romance between us, as though that were somehow the next logical step to a beautiful friendship. That was nearsighted and self-centered, and I hurt you, and I’m sorry. It took me a year and a half after we stopped talking to feel like myself again. When we ran into each other over the holidays, you had laryngitis, so we didn’t have to talk; I’m glad, because I don’t know what to say to you anymore.

You were brilliant and beautiful. I loved you and I wanted you. It never would have worked out between us, but perhaps if we had met under different circumstances, we would have at least had the opportunity to go hard and burn out fast. As it stands, you inspired some of my best poetry, but I can no longer go to see certain bands in our city. Fair trade.

You: I told you how hard it is for me to get close to people, and I trusted you. You were one of the closest friends I ever had. Then you tricked me into going on a date with you–twice. When I made it clear I didn’t want us to date, you ignored me for the better part of a year. Now you’re texting me all pissy because I’m hanging out with (new, male) friends. Sorry I’m not sorry. Get over yourself, and let’s see if there’s something to be salvaged.

You and you: Never make a move on me. I know where you sleep. We’re friends–we’re good friends–and if you take advantage of that fact and try to be weasley, entitled assholes, I will lose it.

You are fantastic. I have never been so comfortable being close to someone. I keep thinking that I’ll wake up one day and the feelings will vanish, or the next time I see you, I won’t want to rip off your clothes with my teeth. We’ve known each other for a good few months, though, and my initial feelings have only grown. I’m so glad we’re taking it slow. Everything seems innocent and beautiful. I’m trying to be realistic about it, though, because goodness knows you’re going through a lot right now. (You know what I mean.) And that’s fine. I’m patient. You’ve been very kind about dealing with my various life stresses and (mildly) neurotic tendencies, as well, so it isn’t as though I think that I’m perfect and you’re the weak link. I hope we work out.


D January 23, 2013 at 5:24 pm

did I start the single-letter-in-lieu-of-a-full-name trend? I feel like Jeff Goldblum in that one SNL skit where he starts the wave at the baseball game.


:( January 23, 2013 at 10:04 pm

You. We only met briefly and i was so busy but I wish we could meet again and take the chance because I really liked your vibe.


Johann Wolfgang von Goethe January 23, 2013 at 10:54 pm

Attention all YOU Debbie Downers: Lighten up and get some fresh air.

And do NOT read “The Sorrows of Young Werther”.

You ain’t ready for that jelly.


B January 23, 2013 at 10:55 pm

You. Nobody asked you.


Almie Rose January 24, 2013 at 2:23 pm

You, good response, you.


Ombretta D January 25, 2013 at 7:19 am

Man, you guys need to get over it, all of you. Deep breath, let go of all the grudges. This a happy-living and coming-from-the-heart advice.


Almie Rose January 25, 2013 at 1:20 pm

Do you get that for some people, part of the process to let go is to let it out?


B January 25, 2013 at 1:37 pm

Also, this isn’t all negative! Certain compliments or feelings would be too awkward to say to someone’s face, but it’s no less healthy to express them than it is other more “normal” emotions.


Ombretta D January 25, 2013 at 3:26 pm

Of course, that’s part of every process. But the whole thing was a bit melodramatic and it made me smile a little, therefore my easygoing comment. No hard feelings attached. (If posting their grudges in a blog comment actually helped them through the slow painful process of “letting go”, good for them and this is genuine, not sarcastic).


Ombretta D January 25, 2013 at 3:27 pm

(And thank god someone also had something nice to say)


G. January 30, 2013 at 12:16 pm

You, we were good together. We were. And your quirky sense of humor matched mine, and you *got* me, like few people do, and I’d spend hours with you, and sleep over, despite the moderate-severe animal allergies I got. Then you vanished into a haze of depression and I was there for you but you cut me off anyway. And then, when I see you again, it’s good, sort of, except that it’s so hard to schedule something with you. And there are so few people who get me, who I could be with. And I still don’t really understand what went wrong, and why we can’t get it back.


km January 31, 2013 at 7:56 pm

This isn’t supposed to be pretty…so, here we go:

You were supposed to plan drinks tonight and you didn’t & that makes me feel like all of the other Yous at that place don’t like me.

You: I was in love with you and you fucked me over. And yet if you ever got your fucking life together, stopped drinking, stopped blowing coke, moved here and called me, I’d probably still have dinner with you. I hate that.

You need to stop interrupting me when I’m frantically rambling; that’s not what I pay you for

You probably are the reason I developed the bad dating habits I now can’t seem to shake. And your cunt mother. Yes, I said it. Your mother. Is a. Fucking. Cunt. Despite this, I hope you’re happy with your fiancee and that you treat her infinity times better than you treated me.

You NEED to take care of yourself. You’re a wonderful person but you’re miserable to be around lately.

You: I’m mad at you for the thing that happened. It was fucking stupid and you know it and need to own it and stop trying to make me feel bad. I want to not be mad and you and I want the thing that happened to not have happened, but it did. I hope eventually we can be okay and you wont bring this up every chance you get 5 years from now.

You – lets just call it what it is. We grew apart. We’ll live.


Saffron February 1, 2013 at 7:42 pm

You – I don’t want to be friends any more. you’re racist and tactless. I know we’ve been through a lot. I thought I could just drift away, but It wasn’t as subtle as I thought. Sorry; I’m not sorry.

You – I wish I hadn’t done all those things, but you act like it was only me. I’m trying and you’re not.

You – I still think about you all the time, but I bet you don’t even remember. Talk about a whirlwind romance. That day in Manchester was the best day of my life, and I don’t even like Manchester. I miss you. It sucks.

You – I’ll never respect you again.

You – I have literally no idea what I saw in you, You’re a dick and I’m glad it’s over. I regret being persuaded you were worth it. They were wrong.

You – I’m so so so sorry. Too little to late, but I had to say it, somewhere somehow. I made your life hell because I was an insecure bitch. I wish I could go back and do things over.

You – I love you with all my heart but I cannot abide your family. They are everything I hate. They use you, leech off your earnings and love for them and they drag you down. It’s not my place to say you should disown them but I wish it was.


Bob Dobalina February 4, 2013 at 7:12 pm

Hearing all these first world weepers is really something. There are people with real tragedies all over the world, and here we have a pity party for emo coffee shop debutantes pining over metro boys.

The sooner you get over yourself, realize your good fortune, and move past your post-pubescent thumbsucking, the sooner you will be happy and bring happiness to others.



Almie Rose February 4, 2013 at 8:03 pm


I don’t think anyone here is suggesting that their personal problems are on par with the Holocaust. This is a place where people are allowed to vent. To suggest that those commenting think that their problems are above tragedies like world hunger is silly. One can care about the greater problems in the world and also feel sorry for themselves. You don’t know anythingabout these people. Maybe some of them even volunteer to make the world a better place. Feeling sad about your personal life and caring about world issues aren’t mutually exclusive. One can do both.

I do not believe that you’ve never had a personal problem in your life. That you’ve never felt sorrowful, angry, or pitiful. When you do, come here and vent. Until then, you can be a condescending blowhard somewhere else.


Timea February 5, 2013 at 12:40 am

I think it’s a pretty shitty comment to leave on a post that’s actually rather thoughtful, inclusive, and most importantly, in context. This isn’t the Economist or New Statesman, it’s a personal blog.


Almie Rose February 5, 2013 at 1:08 am

I’m a little embarrassed for him, but who knows, maybe he’s going through some real personal stuff in his life and this brought it out for him. Like maybe being insulting is his way of dealing with emotion. I really like to give people the benefit of the doubt.


Zima February 6, 2013 at 10:42 pm

Bob Dobalina, this is for you:



Z February 26, 2013 at 7:09 am

YOU. You do things for me as if you would love nothing more than to be with me.
YOU. You know the intricate wanderings of my mind better than I do.
YOU. You know exactly what I want for my birthday – and I never have to ask.
YOU. You can see how we fit together. We just do.
YOU. You know I would do anything for you.

So why can’t YOU see that I love you?

Damn friend-zone.


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