This is to make up for the fact that we never answered your questions when we said we would decide your life. So, lesson one: sometimes, people suck. Don’t drink diet soda, it will make you bloat. If you have to, don’t drink more than one. Also eat slowly, if you don’t, you will also bloat. Find the right birth control pill; if you don’t, you will bloat. Eat cheese without regret. Don’t use a flatiron in your hair every day. Deep condition every once in a while. Listen to more Stevie Wonder. “When people show you who they are, believe them.” – Oprah/Maya Angelou. But before you believe them, make sure you know what to believe, and that you’re not just angry. “Don’t drive angry.” – Bill Murray to a groundhog, but it’s good advice. Choose kindness over jealousy. Make your enemies your friends. Get a snuggie. Take more videos of you and your friends. Don’t forget that if something’s bad, it doesn’t mean that everything’s bad. Slow down and calm down. Give yourself more credit and cut yourself more slack. Apologize sincerely and then move on. Laugh when appropriate. If it’s not appropriate, laugh quietly. Listen to Todd Rundgren, but not the later stuff. Eat eggs, not just egg whites (if you don’t have high cholesterol). “Tweet/blog like no one’s reading” (unknown). Change your outfit, not yourself. And don’t be afraid to wear more than one outfit a day; it’s really fun. Only use nice hangers. Eat pasta, but whole wheat pasta, or you’ll bloat. But if you eat regular pasta, have no regrets. Remember: you can only control yourself, not people around you, so stay in control. And have fun. Always have fun.