It’s a Zen thing, like how many babies fit in a tire. — Waiting for Guffman
I’m going to make a conscious effort, right here and now, to stop giving myself an ulcer. I am not past Almie or future Almie; I am present Almie. I can’t just sit back and let Future Almie take care of everything and I can’t blame Past Almie for everything. If I keep it up at this rate I’m going to wind up like F. Scott Fitzgerald but, you know, without the talent or the career. I’ll just be a poor drunk who dies of a massive heart attack. Or I’ll wind up like Zelda and I’ll go mad and die in a hospital fire. I’m not sure which death is worse. At least F. Scott was probably wearing a nice sweater vest.
Every time I want to skip past this part of my life or let my wind wander to another time I am going to take a deep breath, simply to remind myself that I am here now and alive now. One day, God-willing, I will be old and I will wish that I were in my place right now, typing this, worried about my future career and lack of love. Then I will really want to kick Past Almie’s ass. But then I won’t have learned my lesson at all. Even talking about it now clearly proves that I haven’t learned how to be in the moment. I am never going to be Mick Jagger. I am never going to be Charlize Theron or January Jones. I am never going to be Marion Davies. I am never going to be Oprah. I am never going to be Ellen Paige. I am never going to be Jeff Golblum. I am never going to be Serge Gainsbourg or even Charlotte Gainsbourg. But I will get to be me. I will get to be Almie. I will get to be Apocalypstick. So I’m going to honor that and I’m going to let that mean something.
I believe that “Let It Bleed” is by far the best Stones album. I can’t stop listening to “You Can’t Always Get What You Want.” How many times in my life have I heard this song? In how many movies, TV shows, and Coke commercials? How many times have I wondered, what the hell does this song actually mean? When has Mick Jagger not ever gotten what he wanted? Did he want the private jet but could only get first-class commercial? And am I a hopeless teenager at heart for wanting to apply this song to my own life?
No matter. If I can’t get what I want, I’ll find a way to get what I need. Not what I’ll settle for, mind you. There’s a difference between getting what you need and getting what you can get. I’ll get what I need. Seriously, this song and the Mary Tyler Moore theme song may have changed my life. How will I make it on my own? This world is awfully big…but it’s time I started LIVING! I’M GONNA MAKE IT AFTER ALL! MEOWING CAT! I’LL GET WHAT I NEED! CHOIR OF CHILDREN FADING OUT! I’m going to be genuinely happy for people, and anyone who isn’t happy for me doesn’t deserve to be in my life!
I’m going to start enjoying this weird and awkward time in my life the way mothers love their weird and awkward preteen children.
Tomorrow I leave for the east coast for my Nana’s 90th birthday! I’ll be back next week!
Love Is All Around (Theme From Mary Tyler Moore) — Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
You Can’t Always Get What You Want — The Rolling Stones
The Mary Tyler Moore Show Theme — Sonny Curtis
Excellent attitude! It’s how I’ve lived my life the past two and a half years now, and it’s definitely been on the upswing ever since I adopted the positive thinking attitude.
I often talk about this with my friends. We live in a continuous present; this is all we’re ever going to have. There is no past, there is no future. It can be a depressing thought, but it can also be reassuring. You can make anything happen.
Being in a relationship can be so much more of a challenge than being on your own. You have to take so many things into account, like feelings and all that jazz. Being single can be great for focusing on yourself. You are a great writer! Enjoy jour talents, because you have many. Hope to read from you soon!
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I feel ya. Two years ago, when I was first adjusting to L.A. (and being unemployed) I was handed “The Power of Now” by a friend of mind, and, as ridiculously new-agey as it is, it did calm me down some and make me a little less anxious. That and running. And shortly thereafter I was gainfully employed.
Also, you have a book deal! Not very many people your age have that. So, go you. Have an excellent time on the east coast. Say hi to it for me.
Well here’s hoping the book works out. But thanks!
Right On! Girl you know it! But, I still think you should kick your past ass and just for fun spy on your future ass-self.
I hope you have a great time there in the East celebrating your grandmother bday. Men how long has it been since i last saw that Jersey coast! See you when you get back!
PS: i would totally do Clooney in that picture! (yeah thats right even more than i would be willing present Clooney)
And best of all you get to be my own personal advice columnist. YES!!!
You’re the coolest. Give Nana a high-five for being 90 years old and go buy yourself a cherry coke for being exactly who you are.
I actually ordered a diet coke with a few cherries in it (’twas the closest I could get) after I read this. It sounded good. Excellent suggestion!
Almie,
Funny that you have adapted this attitude as of right now, because, I have been going through the same thing as well. This past month has been a true test of how I think and operate in my life, but I feel that good things are coming and have been keeping my mind on that. I have also been thinking about just being calm and trying not convince others of what makes me great, beautiful, etc, but truly and deeply convincing myself. That what matters and the stem for all that happens to you and with you: How you perceive yourself. It is the core of all things.
You are an amazingly nice and wonderful person. I know this is just temporary for you and you are going to shine through like crazy. All that you want and desire WILL come into fruition. Keep this state of mind and attitude and you will do just fine!
Hug from NY,
Mia
Because of this post we’re going to be the best Hippest Snippets we can be. Because we’ll never be Scott Baio, which was our dream.
We love your blog!
This is brilliant perspective. I’m really glad I discovered your blog – it’s hard being a ballsy woman sometimes.
Lately I feel like sometimes is all the time.
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