Clothing choices.

I don’t understand the way my contemporaries are dressing lately.

Before I get into this, I just want to say: this is not a personal attack on anyone. For all I know you make it work like a factory.ย 

Ladies. Please explain this to me. Why do you wear these things?

Maternity Style Dresses. It’s more than an empire waist dress. It’s an EMPIRE STRIKES BACK dress. (See the pun I made there? SEE IT? Good.) I don’t get this. Okay sometimes I get it. When Mr. Tophat is in town, you wanna downgrade the situation and make things comfortable. But why would you elect to wear this style of dress every day? I rocked this outfit too — WHEN I WAS EIGHT.

Oxford shoes.ย What the fuck are these things. Why are they here. Why are women wearing them. Do you realize that they’re cutting off your leg 90% of the time? Do you realize you look like you’re about to go golfing? Do you not care that people might think you like to golf?

Leggings with a giant sweatshirt. Seriously, what the fuck is this? Talk about dressing like an 8-year-old. This shit is no longer acceptable if you are old enough to drive and are younger than 80. This is bullshit. It’s bullshit that you can put on a giant stupid sweatshirt with leggings and not be going to the gym and be posted on the Internet as a fashion ~~inspiration~~.

American Apparel. Do you not realize how disgusting this company is? How it’s racist, sexist, and just plain deplorable? Do you not realize that you can buy the same basics at Target for a fraction of the cost?

The whole “I’m a good Christian mom with two kids in 1990” look. You know what I’m talking about. The dowdy sweater, the ill-fitting mom pants, the OXFORDS or something similar, and to top it off, the mom-style leather purse. Also includes the whole t-shirt tucked into high shorts with a belt look.

The whole t-shirt tucked into high shorts with a belt look. Just for emphasis, because I really don’t understand this one.

The hummingbird skull necklace. It’s been done, sorry.

“I’m that math teacher from middle school” look. Similar to the ’90s mom look, but with a twist. The twist usually being a Golden Girls style dress and short socks with chunky heels. Also includes wearing the longest skirts ever made.

Long denim skirt. I can’t even–

 

Basically my issue is with lovely young ladies dressing like Clarissa Darling’s mom. I think they aim for Clarissa, but they overshoot. So explain this to me: what is the appeal?

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38 thoughts on “Clothing choices.

  1. Beckles

    I admit, I wear leggings with giant sweatshirts. To BED. I HATE leggings as pants. And please tell me we’re done with uggs and mini skirts? Seriously, why?

  2. DiaryofWhy

    Whoa. I don’t know what’s going on in LA, but really? This is what your contemporaries are wearing? As in people your (our???) age? Minus the American Apparel, it sounds like an episode of My So-Called Life. Is it making a comeback? Do you think it will hit the east coast soon?

  3. Laura Marie

    Hahaha THANK YOU for this… So. Spot. On. I have to say, the socks tucked into shoes/mom purse issues are the ones really killing me these days… There is NO SUCH THING as Grandma Chic. Even the Olsen twins have a line they won’t cross.

    And P.S. “~~inspiration~~”? Made me snort-laugh.

  4. Renate

    I had to google “hummingbird skull necklace” because I thought that surely it must be code for something else than, well, a necklace made to look like a hummingbird skull. And I…I don’t really know what to say about it. I think perhaps ‘what is this I don’t even’ would be a good fit.

    Also, in general, it seems like the thing is that if you ARE a cirka 1990-mom, the world of so-called fashionistas will frown on your, for lack of a better word, style. However, if you are one of the fashionistas and definitely not a mom and probably not even born in 1990, you can dress that way and be hailed as a fashion genius, because OH MY GOD, THE DARING! SO BOLD! SO…FORWARD THINKING! WOW!

    Fashion can be so fucking depressing.

    1. Skinny Dip

      It’s also super confusing- sometimes I have to do a double take like, are they actually a soccer mom stuck in the 90’s OR hipster – sometimes its hard to tell.

  5. Skinny Dip

    AMEN to the whole entry.

    As someone who’s a few years older, this whole fashion look is especially terrifying – walking around my very hipster friendly neighborhood is like a flashback to walking down the halls of my high school. Frankly, its really starting to freak me out. I’m OK with a little bit of 90’s throwback stuff (I enjoy a bustier top or two and have a weakness for vintage Betsey Johnson flower prints) but what’s with dressing like a dork from the 90’s?! A lot of these looks weren’t cool the first time around…and high waisted ill fitting jean shorts are all good for nobody. WHY DO SO MANY GIRLS LOOK LIKE ELAINE FROM SEINFELD?!

    By the way, I think you look great & your fashion sense is lovely.

  6. Rachel J Clark

    Humans are creatures of habit, and when you bury yourself in frumpy clothing for years, you don’t feel very motivate to change. Which sucks. Low self-esteem causes women to put the clothes on in the first place, and habit causes them to sink deeper into the pit of ugly fashion. There should be an ugly-clothing rehab. I’d be staging interventions left and right.

  7. Mama Kat

    I’m vigorously taking notes.

    You young kids have got it all figured out!

    But now I’m concerned…

    Is the cardigan okay? What if it’s really long, is that better? Can I still wear skinny jeans with boots? What about earrings shaped like wings? The dresses these days seem awfully short, may I wear them with jeans? Is there any top that makes leggings okay? Can I wear a scarf when during summer? Are belly rings still in?

    I think I’m screwed.

  8. Danee Liz

    FINALLY! Oxford shoes are ugly as hell. Seriously, it’s like those shoes Goofy wears. In no way are they sexy. The leggings with a giant sweatshirt is so 1990, I’m talking cali Although, the giant sweatshirt was actually paired with the leggings to hide the camel toe. Denim should NEVER be a long skirt or a pair of overalls or a fucking maxi dress. It works just fine as good-fitting jeans with a low-cut waist and a butt pushup.

  9. Annie

    I had an actual middle school math teacher who dressed like the middle school math teacher. Also there was a sub who always wore a giant sweatshirt with a huge decal of Pooh Bear on it with leggings and sandals with socks. I think I’m just surrounded by bad fashion choices.

  10. Stacey

    Hey now, don’t hate on the high waisted shorts with tucked in shirt look. That flatters my slightly chubby build/gives me a waist! However, I agree with most of this. Especially the maternity style dresses on hot bods…just why.

  11. Matthew Meriwether

    I’m appalled. I think oxfords on women look great. And I Iove t-shirts tucked into denim shorts with belts. And a certain type of person could rock a big sweatshirt and leggings. Think about it Almie.

  12. Elyssa

    I must defend oxfords! Wearing them you feel like you’re in 1911, which is always good. They are comfy like flats but you can wear them in the rain without feeling stupid. And they look good with jeans and skirts AND (appropriately-waisted) shorts.

  13. Bea

    OH MY GOD, American Apparel needs to GTFO already.

    ps, I would add rompers next to maternity style dresses. Unless you’re in a diaper, rompers are completely inappropriate–unless you like having to remove ALL of your clothes to use the restroom.

  14. ameena

    hypothetically speaking if i told you i was guilty of some of these, would you still be my friend? hypothetically of course.

    oh but also, i definitely went off on a huge rant the other day about the nineties coming back. it’s the worst of all the fashion decades. I would rather dress like a pioneer circa 1870.

    aso usual this was awesome. thank you.

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      I actually have a coat from 1890. It’s pretty cool (humble brag)

      I WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR FROND. Did you finish your Britney lolly yet?

      1. Every guy on planet

        to Almie Rose…..are you serious? you really have to ask???…..because they are tight and show off the ass……geez…..

  15. Catherine

    So do high-waisted shorts count? I mean, technically, it’s high shorts with a t-shirt inevitably tucked in… But… they’re rather cute and 40’s looking! Am I wrong in this? They’re also black, and not jeans. I feel like this helps.

  16. caroline

    target basics cost a fraction of what american apparel does because they were made by eight-year-olds in indonesia. dov charney may be a douchebag but also possibly the lesser of two evils?
    not an indictment, just a perspective

    1. Almie Rose Post author

      Good point, but here’s the thing: American Apparel was recently called out for being really shitty to their workers. I don’t know if they’ve since gotten better but given how much money the company is hemorrhaging, I doubt it.

      1. Luda

        I think the way American Apparel portrays women is all the reason I need to never shop there. I don’t know a goddamn thing about how they treat their employees, but I can’t imagine they treat anyone very well if they’re not losing sleep over their own sexism.

  17. Suburban Sweetheart

    I think that photo is beautiful. You have terrible judgment.

    OK, I’m lying. Also, someone please tell Orthodox Jews that there are modest ways to dress that DO NOT INVOLVE long denim or corduroy skirts.

  18. iheartkiwi

    Preach it lady!

    Although I must say, I’m sure we’ve all fallen for a few terrible fashion trends…I sported some pretty unfortunate looks in the 90s.

  19. Carey

    I feel like women who wear long demin skirts should be forgiven based on the fact that they clearly were raised to only know what their father (later replaced by husbands) tell them. They don’t know better, ya know?

    As for the mom look. What woman in her right mind would want to emphasize her FUPA? Or want to make it look like she has one? I don’t get this. Which is why I kind of understand the empire waist dresses (totally hides my problem area) but not all the time. No thank you.

    P.S. I can’t believe AA is still up and running but then I remember hipsters have no morals because they are so 33 AD.

  20. Kelly L

    Oh Thank God Iowa is so behind the times, I have yet to see many of these around here. Maybe because our math teachers and Christian moms still wear those things so nobody would willingly be running around dressed as them. I dunno.

    I do like leggings though. With skirts. Not as a standalone piece. They hide my gross legs and keep my thighs from chafing together. It’s a practical thing, really. Less about fashion. I rarely get accused of being fashionable.

  21. Emma Aubry

    Doing a massive blog catch-up right now so I apologize in advance for the deluge of comments you’re about to receive.

    I agree with most of these, but I love love LOVE oxfords. And loafers. And granny boots. And velvet slippers. And other “ugly-cool” footwear. They add the perfect “JK, it’s casual” disclaimer to an otherwise high-mai outfit. This is what happens when a man repeller phase meets a tomboy phase. I don’t get a lot of dates, but I THINK I LOOK AWESOME!

    My favorite thing is old people who dress like this un-ironically. I had a professor this past fall who had the Elaine from Seinfeld look DOWN PAT. Floral dress, chunky socks, ankle boots. Trendy perfection. But it was obviously totally unintentional. So precious.

  22. Kaitlin

    i feel like i wear a lot of these things you disapprove of and i had no clue they were ridiculous and my only defense is that i live in OLYMPIA, WA (aka: the bubble/grunge capitol of U.S.A.) and idk what is going on out there!! ๐Ÿ™ anyhow, the only thing i need to argue is that i used to work at american apparel, and granted that was like 4 years ago but i was treated quite well (perhaps you are talking about factory workers). in fact, i pine for that job everyday. i have always considered the mark up in price to be worth it because, yes, the stuff is sold everywhere else but i don’t think it lives up to aa’s quality. i’m serious! and ya know, i’ve always thought of aa as a one stop shop. i always know exactly what i want there and they always have it all.

    OH- and photos please! i’m all visual… i can’t completely imagine all the looks you are referring to…

    love you Almie!

  23. Noelle

    I love your blog!

    Every time a trend rolls around, there are early adopters, late-bloomers, haters, and then, eventually, the department store line, assuring all of us that it is okay.

    I can see how ’90s fashion was repulsive, but I don’t dress to be fashionable more than I do to be myself. And I really like to wear weird things, and I like it when someone sees my clothes and says “I would never wear that!” I’m not masochistic, but I love shaking things up, and making people feel “out of the norm,” or “nervous”. Wearing something weird is the easiest, (generally) least-offensive way to shake up the routine without hurting anyone or doing drugs.

    Totally agreeing on “just jeans and a t-shirt is not enough!”

    I hate my body too much to wear the shorts with a t tucked in, the empire waist (waste?) dress was never in as far as I am concerned. But I like the look, and I dig that people will wear something that other people are generally mortified by. I guess you have to be in a different place to like that kind of thing. And if you have a really solid classy style (like you!), it probably seems like fashion suicide.

    You can never really pinpoint the how and why anyone dresses any way, and I don’t think many people would thumbs up and say “I sure do!” if you point-blank asked, “you think you look cool in those air jordans and Christmas sweaters?” But I’m guessing, that’s probably why.

  24. Pingback: Mens’ clothing choices. โ€” A P O C A L Y P S T I C K

  25. JuanaKutch

    I also hate all the trends you described, especially oxfords and tucked in t-shirts with high shorts and a belt (I hate, hate, HATE T-shirts). However, I think that shorts like lace/crochet ones look good with tucked in chiffon blouses, ankle boots, and even stockings if the look is not too tacky. Just my opinion … ๐Ÿ™‚

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