Category Archives: lighten up it’s just fashion

Shabby Apple Dress Giveaway!

Almie Rose in Shabby Apple for Shabby Apple Dress Giveaway

Shabby Apple wants you to feel simply lovely and I want to help so we’re giving away one free dress! My birthday this this Thursday but I want to celebrate by giving YOU guys something. In the photo above I’m wearing the “Boogie Woogie” dress, courtesy of Shabby Apple. It has a Betty Drapertastic retro feel to it. It fits great, though I did have to get it hemmed, which was to be expected. I’m doing this giveaway because I love Shabby Apple’s dresses because of their perfect vintage, early 1960’s feel to them. While not genuine vintage clothing Shabby Apple is an inspired new take on old favorites, from Mad Men gowns to Bardot stripes. And the dress I’m giving away doesn’t have to be this one — you get to choose from a huge selection of Shabby Apple dresses.


Here’s how to enter!

1. Like Shabby Apple on Facebook.

2. Follow Shabby Apple on Instagram.

3. Leave a comment with your first name.

Note: Giveaway is only available in the United States. Sorry!

I’m going to choose a winner at random. The giveaway starts today, 10/21 and will go until Friday, 10/25. If you’re the winner, I’ll have to verify that you liked Shabby Apple on Facebook and followed on Instagram and then you’ll get to choose a dress!



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ModCloth’s 24 Hour Sale JUMP ON IT!

Hey everyone! I just wanted to let you guys know that ModCloth is doing a special 24 hour sale for National Hot Dog Day. I’ve got 3 weddings to go to this summer. Well, I already went to one and one is in October, so that’s not technically summer although it WILL be hot. Anyway Uncle Almie needs some dresses and ModCloth has great wedding guest-y dresses. (I’m “Uncle Almie”, btw. I don’t know how the nickname started but it’s here. Oh it’s here, Jerry.)

They’re not paying me to share this, I just thought I’d pass it along. Here are the deets:

To celebrate the dog days of the sunny season, ModCloth is offering a 15% off coupon for the entire site before taxes and shipping, excluding gift certificates! The coupon has no limit on number of uses, but you gotta be quick!

This sale will only be for 24 hours between 7/23/13 7:00am (PST) to 7/24/13 10:00am (PST)

Once you reach your cart, just click “apply a discount”, enter the coupon code WOOF15, and all of those lovely items will be 15% off!

Quick pro tip: ModCloth offers free shipping for domestic orders over $50, so don’t be afraid to treat yourself. As always, their fabulous return and exchange policy will be in effect for all orders.

Interact With ModCloth!
In addition to their one-day sale, they want to see your HAUTE dog! Upload a picture of you and your canine bestie to their Style Gallery to show off how posh you and your pooch can be. Feel free to share it all over the interwebs, but don’t forget to tag it with #hautedog so all can see! Here’s some inspiration to get you started: Participate in ModCloth’s Haute Dog Fashion Gallery!

Frequently Asked Questions
Do you have to upload to the Style Gallery to get this discount?
–Of course not! Go ahead and enjoy an extra 15% off, no strings attached. But we do encourage you to share your exquisite style with other fans by uploading your outfits to Style Gallery! Participate in ModCloth’s Haute Dog Fashion Gallery!

Do I get anything extra for uploading to the Style Gallery?
–No, but we encourage you to share your exquisite style with other fans by uploading your outfits to the ModCloth Style Gallery

modcloth nighttime pool party dress

ModCloth “Nighttime Pool Party Dress” on sale for $69.99. One of my picks.

P.S. Check out one of my fave posts, “Fashion and The Shining“, in which I recreate all of Shelley Duvall’s outfits from The Shining using clothes and accessories from ModCloth.


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Hpnotiq says Bling It On! Enter to win a year’s worth of getting your nails done. Seriously.

bling it on hpnotiq

Full disclaimer right here, holla. This post is sponsored by Hpnotiq, some very pretty liquor. All thoughts and opinions are mine. Come at me.

Nail art is not something I’m very good at. I love having nice looking nails. A bright color, or a red so dark it’s almost black, or shimmering white — those are glam nails to me. Because most of the time, I am biting them. I want to be like those nail wizards who can paint things on their nails like The Last Supper or Billy Joel’s entire discography. One, I got zebra striped nails. Proof. Here is a photo of me holding a cup of coffee in a hotel room in Vegas. Because why else would I have zebra stripes? I was honoring the fine city of Las Vegas. And you can tell those are my hands because of how stubby and childlike they are.

zebra striped nail art

There’s got to be a way to make money off of having a 10 year-old’s hands. And I don’t mean in a jar. That’s just terrible.

And here’s my confession: I didn’t do those myself. I would put a sad emoticon here, but it’s more powerful if I hang my head in shame. So picture that. Picture me doing that. Got it? Good.

So for those of you who can do nail art on your own, this is your time to get NAILED (I’m sorry, that was terrible. Not as terrible as jarring 10 year-olds hands) because Hpnotiq is giving you a chance to win some dizzying prizes. Or maybe makeup is more your thing. Maybe you could win with your GLAM MAKEUP!


This probably isn’t what they mean though. I would lose.



    • Love glam things? From now until July 28th 2013, Hpnotiq wants you to show them how you GLAM LOUDER to win fab prizes! During each 2-week challenge you can submit photos in different categories to win – including the glammest nails, makeup and overall look. Entries can be pictures you snap yourself or images you find online.
    • Ready to Bling It On!? Here are the glamorous prizes that are up for grabs: One year of manis/pedis worth up to $1,200, a $1,000 gift card to Sephora or Ulta, AND a chance to win the grand prize trip for you and three friends to go shopping with a celebrity in Los Angeles! Even better – the grand prize winner will star in a professional photo shoot for the chance to be in a real Hpnotiq Ad!
    • Want to enter? Hpnotiq’s Glammest Nails Challenge is going on RIGHT NOW – but hurry – the entry period for the glammest nails ends at 11:59:59 a.m. EST on June 30th! For this challenge Hpnotiq wants you to show them the glammest nails, nail art or nail finish that you’ve ever seen or done. Think you can nail it? You can enter as many times as you want! Snap a pic of your own, or find a pic online.  For this round, they’re choosing 4 lucky winners to receive free mani/pedis for a year valued up to $1,200!!!

GO FORTH. And then drink some of this:

blue bottle hpnotiq


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Fashion spirit.

almie rose terry richardson lion

This is my most stylish, spirited outfit. You were probably expecting something a little less glamorous. I know. But I’m not kidding when I say that when I don this lion onesie, it’s like I have a whole new outlook on life. I feel freer. I dance more. It has pockets. Pockets! I like to put my hands in the pockets, turn around, and stare at the wall. When someone asks me, “Hey Almie, what are you doing?” I turn around, shrug and say, “Oh nothing, just lion stuff.” I’m telling you, nothing says party spirit like this lion costume.

When I’m not wearing my lion costume, which is alarmingly less often than not, I stick to my classic little black dresses with red lipstick. This is, obviously, a different look than the head-to-toe Simba look, which is so hot right now. My favorite color is leopard print. My second favorite color is sequins. And all of those things go very well together.

It’s holiday party time really, really soon. I’ve gotten three invites already…all on the same blasted date. That’s just diabolical. I’m never this popular. So of course, when I finally am, it’s all at once. You bet your sweet bippy I am wearing my lion suit to at least one of these parties. And I’m not joking.

Because that’s the thing. We may not want to admit it, but if we’re going somewhere that isn’t something you can do in sweatpants (grocery shopping, going to the pharmacy, coffee run, shoving children down stairs) then we really take a few minutes (or hours!) to plan how we are going to look. Hair, shoes, clothes. Even guys do this, though maybe not to the extent that girls do.

So I’m suggesting that maybe we all just step back and go with what we really want to wear and not what we think we have to wear. Let me tell you, there are 3 stages in your entire life where you get to do this:

1. Baby to toddler stage.

2. Your twenties.

3. Your eighties + beyond.

And that’s it. I really don’t want to wait until my eighties to wear red eyeshadow at a party, like Daryl Hannah’s screaming-whatever-that-was-character in Blade Runner. And I don’t want to wear pants anymore. I’m just going to wear oversized sweaters with tights and ankle boots, and I don’t care if I look like Claudia Kishi. And I don’t care if people think I dress and look like a hipster. To quote Josh, “You’re not hipster – you’re hipster adjacent.” I think that’s fair.

People are going to think whatever they want no matter what you do or say or wear, so you may as well just take that whole part out of the equation and do your thing with the utmost dignity, pride, and awesomosity. Take your inner style spirit and let it guide you. Like how Pocahontas listened to that creepy, old, nightmarish tree. She didn’t have to, but she did. And she learned something.

And guys, wear suits more. We really, really like that. And I know a lot of you really want to dress like Don Draper or Patrick Bateman but are afraid of looking like a pompous cad. But that’s what it’s all about.



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Stop being oblivious.

almie rose blondes make better t-shirts

Awesome tee courtesy of Blondes Make Better T-Shirts. I’m so happy they gave this to me, because I saw it and thought, “NEED.” It’s basically just a big comfy shirt that says “M. M — MEDIUM” on it and then beneath that is a description of what the M doesn’t stand for, like “monkey.” And they’re a green company! And they have hilarious instructional labels sewn in them. And they’re made out of that material that makes tees fell all vintagey and soft. AND they’re offering a SPECIAL DISCOUNT to Apocalypstick readers: 20% for the entire month of Novemeber! (enter apocalypstick at checkout). Yay!

One of the questions I’m asked all the time, aside from, “Are you drunk?” is, “How do I tell if someone likes me? Like, likes me?”

My answer to this is, “If you have to ask, they don’t like like you.” That’s number one. I know this may hurt, but if someone really liked you, you would know. And if a month passed by and they didn’t make a move, it’s not going to happen.

But some people are diabolically shy, and make this a little harder to figure out. And on the other side are the people who are diabolically clueless who don’t realize if someone is blatantly hitting on you.

Here are some hints if someone is into you (or not):

— They go out of their way to make you happy. This could mean hanging out with you, helping you out with something, whatever. Going out of their way means maybe they have to drive a long distance or change up their plans, but they do it because they like you, and want to see you.

— They don’t call you repeatedly after 2 AM and ask you to come over. All this means is that they like having sex with you. They don’t like you. They don’t hate you, they just don’t want to take it beyond sex.

— You can be a total bitch to them (either on purpose or because of a rough day, hopefully it’s not on purpose) and they forgive you. Not only do they forgive you but they continue to hang out with you.

— They actually listen when you talk to them. You can tell that they were listening because later, even weeks after your conversation, they’ll reference something you spoke about, like, “Hey how is your grandma by the way?” or, “I saw this thing that you just have to see, it reminded me of you.” This usually segues into the private joke stage.

— They flirt with you. I mean really, that’s the most obvious clue. The above signs are some ways people flirt. Another way they flirt is to laugh at your inane jokes. Try telling a joke or a story and see who is actually looking at you the most. Who is really listening. If it’s them, that’s a good sign. (Remember “you’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you”?)

— They make a move. This is the bottom line. If this doesn’t happen it means you’re good friends, or they’re too fucked up to handle anything beyond friendship. It doesn’t mean they don’t like like you, but if nothing’s happened by now, nothing will for a long time, if ever.

These are the signs. Stop being oblivious and pay attention. If you are the recipient of these signs, wise up.

What do you think? What did I leave out?


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Sexy costumes suck.

Halloween is a big deal to me. As a kid I always loved dressing up. I took great pride in my costumes. In 10th grade, I dressed as Alex from “A Clockwork Orange” and no one knew who I was. My dad thought I was Liza Minelli from “Cabaret” and most of my friends said, “Hey your eyelash fell down.” One teacher at the school got it, and he asked me, “Are you a ‘Clockwork Orange’?” And I said yes, and he said, “That worries me.” (Love you, Mr. Everett). I made that costume using things from my closet and my high school’s wardrobe room and now they sell pre-packaged Clockwork Orange costumes for both men and women (the woman’s version is a dress/skirt). And there’s a photo going around on Pinterest of some toddler dressed as Alex, which is a super cute idea, to dress your little son as a rapist. Have people actually watched this movie the entire way through?

As I got older, I got less inspired. I actually started to have dreams, not just around Halloween but year-round, that it was Halloween and I didn’t have a costume and I was scrambling to find one. This has to mean something deeper, and if you want to figure it out, go for it. This year I really wanted to be Jarvis Cocker or Paul McCartney, but to find a good Beatles suit is expensive and I am not nearly skinny enough to be Jarvis Cocker (though to be fair, few are). So I decided to cave and buy something. I got into a nostalgia kick for “The Lion King” and thought the best idea ever would be to dress as Simba.

My mission became far more difficult than I ever thought. First of all, all Simba costumes I found were for toddlers, which is fucking bullshit. At most it went up to 10 year olds. For adults, there was, I kid you not, a “sexy” Nala costume. What the fuck is this malarkey? How is that even close to a lion costume? Why do you have to make Nala sexy?

And it just got worse. Every single lion costume I found was a “sexy” lion. Here are some examples. I just wanted to be a normal, giant-ass jungle cat. But all the good lion costumes were made for men or boys. And the men’s costumes don’t fit well on me, because I am a petite girl, like Estelle Getty sized, and I can’t wear something unisex and expect to be able to move in it. I succumbed to the Cushzilla lion onesie/pajamas and it’s comfy and I love it, but it made me sad that the best thing I could find was a unisex jumpsuit that is meant for someone way, way taller.

I also wanted to be Han Solo. Hey guess what? Even though it’s Halloween, a time when people are supposed to dress up as whatever or whomever they want, female Han Solo costumes do not exist, unless you’re into cosplay and you make one, and I barely know how to properly put on a bandaid, let alone sew something. I also thought about being Indiana Jones. I’ll let you compare the male Indiana Jones costumes to the female ones.

Yes, I could thrift and come up with an Indiana Jones costume, but why should I have to? Why are the only available female versions of Indiana Jones costumes sexualized? It’s Harrison Ford, he’s already sexy. Why doesn’t anyone want women to dress up as a non-sexualized version of a Halloween character? Do they not trust us? Do they think we won’t make it look good because we have boobs?

If you want to dress as a sexy version of something, I don’t care. Go ahead. You have every right to wear whatever you want. But I wonder if by supporting costume companies like Leg Avenue and Dreamgirl, companies that saw a huge boom within the past few years, we’re telling people, “Yes, this is how we always want to look, please make us sexy versions of everything, like Bert and Ernie.” And they did.

And honestly? It makes me sad. What do you think?

Don’t forget to check out my “Sexy” Costumes = Normal Bowie Costumes here on my blog and a slightly extended version on Hello Giggles. And if you’re looking to be Shelley Duvall from “The Shining” look at my post Fashion and the Shining.


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FauxReal T-shirt winner!


You guys are awesome. I asked you to tell me where you would wear this hands-over-boobs t-shirt. My favorite answer wins the tee. There were so many favorites. HERE ARE THE HONORABLE MENTIONS:

In the bedroom while having sex just to really fuck with my partner’s head. — Chris O

I would use this T shirt during a long wait in a queue to buy the new iphone 5 this way I would be killing time looking at those who are looking at me, and making friends :) — Annie Avilés

I’d wear it in line to vote. People at the polling place need to lighten up. — Mandy

To my own funeral. :-( — flumpy doobis

I would flash dance in a bank to “I Like To Move it Move it.”, then proceed to the bank teller and request all they moneyyyyyy! ;) – Elizabeth Nicole

When I *casually* bump into the 10th Doctor, ask him for a photo and politely ask him to stand behind me acting as if he’s grabbing my boobs ;) — Lee Lian


But THE WINNER of my very first t-shirt giveaway with FauxReal is…

I’m flying to California in a couple of months. I’m not the best flyer — I used to be fine but now I get anxiety attacks especially with the full-body scanners. I cannot handle those. I refuse to through them though the alternative is not really better: they get a female TSA agent to do a full body pat down. So, please, imagine me, standing there with my arms out, wearing this shirt, as a pair of gloved TSA hands touches me along the bra line…… — Stephanie

Congratulations, Stephanie. You win, because fuck the TSA. Email me with your info to claim your prize!


Thanks to everyone who participated and keep checking in for more giveaways!! I have another one coming up soon.



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